Comments on: When is early too early?

By: TwoWishes Tara

TwoWishes Tara — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 10:35:57 +0000

There was no way we could have made it to Week 12! We told family and a few close friends right away, with a “public” announcement after everything looked healthy on an 8-week ultrasound. We did weigh the pros and cons of the announcement issue beforehand, but ultimately decided we would need our friends’ support if anything went wrong rather than suffering in silence.

By: Erin J.

Erin J. — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 18:18:44 +0000

I’m with you. I told my husband that whenever we decide to have kids we will be waiting to announce it…just in case. His brother & his wife announced they were pregnant before even really making sure! It has turned out well for them but I don’t want to take that chance.

By: Erin

Erin — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 17:54:34 +0000

We are not pregnant yet, but we also intend on waiting for most people. However, I will tell my immediate family (mom, sister, dad, brother, in-laws) as I will really need their support if we miscarry. I intend on stopping drinking before we are pregnant so as to not create suspicion (we go out a lot). I will continue to tell people I’m not drinking because we are still trying to get pregnant.

By: Kelly of Glamour This!

Kelly of Glamour This! — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 22:42:39 +0000

I agree that its for each person to decide what they do… I understand the whole support system, but I’m more private and thats okay too.

The only thing that frustrates me is when people who have announced early in the game (blogged, facebooked… etc) and when you mention something about their miscarriage (in a non mean way) and get angry that you even brought the “M” word up. I mean come on, I understand going through a miscarriage is hard… I couldn’t even imagine… but you can’t expect people not to mention it, when clearly you’ve made it so public. Maybe I’m not seeing it.

By: Stephanie Michele

Stephanie Michele — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 20:57:04 +0000

Although not pregnant, and never have been, I feel the same way as you. I am too nervous about miscarriages, and the aftermath that would come should it happen. I admire those women who are willing and able to put themselves out there, but I just wouldn’t be able to do it. However, that being said, there is no way that I could wait that long to tell my mother. She, and the U, will probably be the only ones to know before we announce (whenever that time should come).

By: Kimberly Michelle

Kimberly Michelle — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 19:49:02 +0000

We didn’t tell our parents until 12 weeks… and didn’t publicly announce to friends until 13… and I didn’t tell my boss until Week 17. Mr. M’s parents had multiple miscarriages, so we wanted to wait as long as we could before telling them to minimize the hurt. They weren’t calm until we hit week 18.

I’ll be honest – it’s really hard for me to be excited for people who announce early. I’m cautious in my own mind for them, and in many cases, it’s been for good reason. The facebook announcements are especially difficult for me to see at 5-8 weeks, because I can’t imagine seeing the bad announcement that has followed so many times.

By: Kasia Fink

Kasia Fink — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 19:25:27 +0000

It’s a personal choice every couple has to make for themselves. Some people are more private than others and would find announcing a miscarriage painful, while others might need that extra support. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way.

I didn’t tell the world until 16 weeks because we wanted to tell all our close friends in person which took awhile, and because I was really nervous, it being my first. The thought of having to deal with everyone’s well wishes if I miscarried seemed impossible to me.

On the other hand, I have to admit, it was really, really hard to hide (how come you’re not having any wine, Kasia? Um… I’m…uh… doing a cleanse..?) and I HATED having to lie to people. Lying makes me feel so dirty. There’s also something to be said for sharing those first sweet, exciting moments with your friends. It’s natural to want to share your happiness and during those first few weeks, you’re bursting with it – that and a million and one questions. Having to keep it to myself was hard.

I can see both sides of the argument and so I really think you just have to do what’s right for you.

By: Geek in Heels

Geek in Heels — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 17:00:57 +0000

I announced at 6 weeks, and miscarried midway into my 12th week, which is a bit ironic because that is considered the safe spot.

From being an active member of miscarriage and infant loss support sites, I’ve learned that there really is NO safe zone. Plenty of women miscarry in their 15th, 20th, even their 30th weeks. It is just that the CHANCES become smaller. After hearing the heartbeat (which I did twice), the chances SIGNIFICANTLY decrease, and there isn’t much more chance of a miscarriage at 13 weeks vs 30. After having passed the 12th week mark my chances of losing the baby was less than 2%, but it still happened to me.

I really think it’s a personal decision. I am glad I announced early because of the tremendous support I received when I lost the baby. I think that for me, it would have been much more difficult to have waited, then lost the baby, because it would have made me retreat even further from the outside world.

One thing I don’t care for is that some people actually disapprove of women who choose to announce early. A “friend” of mine wrote a blog post talking about her disapproval of how my husband and I chose to announce early and my choice to blog about the miscarriage, and now I’ve cut off all ties with her. I really think that it is a personal choice and no one else has the right to judge.

By: Julie

Julie — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:47:35 +0000

It is traditional in Judaism to not announce until you “show” and at least wait until the second trimester. While we are nowhere near ready to have a family (we’d like to at least live in the same state first!), my husband and I have already discussed that we will not tell anyone until 3 months, and then tell just our parents after the 12 week mark. We’ll make the big announcement closer to 4 months when we tell the rest of our family and closest friends.

By: Penny

Penny — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:47:19 +0000

I would likely wait until 20 weeks to tell anybody, unless I “pop” before that. Even though I’m a blogger, I’m pretty private, and there is no way in hell I want to talk to a ton of people about a miscarriage, if I can help it. Some things really are sacred and private. I know 12 weeks is standard – I get frustrated if people announce before that when they aren’t my good friend. I’ve known lots of women who have announced before that and miscarried. It just seems to make a horrible situation even worse in some cases. A few times, I’ve had acquaintances tell me (when I’m not even their close friend!) they’re preggo when they’re only 2-4 weeks along. It just makes me anxious.